


Ghosts of Swan's past.

by Swen and Chill (anotherouatwriter)



Series: Baby, it's cold outside. [23]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Inspired by A Christmas Carol, countdown to christmas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 12:58:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8980744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anotherouatwriter/pseuds/Swen%20and%20Chill
Summary: Emma is visited by three ghosts who will change her way of seeing Christmas. AU - A Christmas Carol.





	1. - Past & Present -

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cyr1988](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyr1988/gifts).



> This one if for you, Chris :)

Emma Swan was not avoiding her family, but she never celebrated Christmas, and she didn't plan on starting it now. It simply brought back too many painful memories like all those Christmases she spent alone. She didn't resent her family or Regina, but there were some things she just wished to leave in the past. And Christmas was one of them.

So, she assigned the night shift for Christmas Eve and the shift for Christmas Day to herself, even though deputy Aladdin told her he could be the one on call since he was Muslim and they didn't celebrate Christmas. Emma refused his proposal, sending him home to Jasmine and their newborn, Ameera.

Even when Regina appeared at the station, almost ordering her to take the day off ,claiming that nothing hasn't happened in Storybrooke for quite a while now. Emma didn't bulge and she added that the brunette might have jinxed their current peaceful lives.

And so, Emma Swan found herself playing paper basketball at the deserted station as the rest of the town was at home spending time with their beloved ones.

Of course, something happened during Christmas Eve. It was not as if Emma thought something would.

Around seven p.m., she got a text message from Henry. It was a selfie picture taken by him, with all her family members in the background, with the text, "We miss you." She got another picture five minutes later. This time, it was just a smiling Henry and Regina with the text, "Wish you were here."

She looked at the picture and she felt her heart flutter. She knew for a while that her feelings for Regina ran deeper than those of simple friendship. Emma saved the picture as her background picture before texting Henry back with a shot of herself and the text, "Have fun with the family, kid!"

Emma hated Christmas.

It wasn't even ten p.m. when she decided to rest her head on the desk and take a nap. At least, by the time she would wake up, part of her least favorite holiday was done.

She just closed her eyes when she heard the squeaky noise of someone sitting on the cot in one of the cells.

Instinctively, Emma stood up and took the safety off her gun. "Who's there?" she said to no one in particular. "Look, I'm not in the mood to play games. Come out and I'll let you go without filing anything. Or, I could shoot you in the leg and make you spend Christmas Eve at the hospital."

"You wouldn't do that to an old friend, would you?"

Emma turned around, that voice... that voice belonged to Neal... But, how could it be? "Neal?"

"You keep running away, Ems," Neal said, and that's when Emma saw him, laying on the cell's bed, his arms flexed behind his head. It reminded her a lot of the times they used to spend together. "You promised me."

"You're dead."

"And, you're alone," he pointed out, "Emma, you have what you always wanted in front of you. Why are you not with your family? Why haven't you found Tallahassee?"

"Because I'm quite content with my life as it is."

He chuckled, "I know you, that's a lie."

"Maybe, you never knew me well enough," Emma snapped. She couldn't believe she was having a fight with her dead boyfriend.

Neal laughed again, "Alright. Anyway, I came by to tell you something... You'll be visited by three ghosts tonight. They'll show you some things, and hopefully make you reconsider."

"Reconsider what?"

"That, you'll have to figure out by yourself."

"Neal, wait!" but he was already gone.

Emma shook her head and closed her eyes tightly before opening them and returning to her desk. Of all the people she could have hallucinated, she had to hallucinate Neal. She rested her head once more and closed her eyes.

Next thing she knew, she was being awakened by the staccato rhythm made by heels walking towards her. She rubbed her eyes and sat up straight, looking around the station. When did she turned off the lights? What the hell was going on?

"Good. Little Princess Emma is finally awake," a familiar voice said.

The blonde turned around to found herself face-to-face with the Regina dressed as the Evil Queen, "Regina?"

"It's Your Majesty," she said in a haughty tone that reminded Emma of Regina when she first came to Storybrooke.

Emma laughed, "Very funny, Regina." She walked towards the brunette, because she had never been really afraid of her. "What are you doing here? I'd expected you to be at home with Henry," the blonde asked, "And, seriously? Magicking a mirage of Neal is pretty low, even for you."

"Trust me I wouldn't spend a gram of my magic for that street rat," the Queen huffed. "I came to show you something equally pathetic. Your past," she explained in a matter-of-fact tone, then extended her hand towards Emma, "Come on now, we don't have all night."

The blonde studied the Queen's hand and sighed, she might as well get over with whatever Regina had planned for her.

As soon as her palm touched Regina's hand, they appeared in a warm, cozy room, decorated with ornaments made by kids. And Emma remembered this place all too well, she spent too many days here to forget it. "My orphanage," she pointed out and looked around, everything looked exactly the same way as it looked during the Christmas she spent there.

"Nothing has changed."

"That is because this is a memory, Princess," the Queen pointed out, "Yours, to be exact. The only way it can change if you changed it."

Emma's eyes landed on a blonde girl. She must have been twelve by that time. Her younger self was looking out the window, watching the snow fall. A six year old girl walked up to her and took her by the hand, "Come on, Emmy. Santa brought us presents!"

Young Emma looked at her; no emotions were visible in her eyes. "Santa doesn't exist, Isabella. Grow up," she snapped at the little girl, "Those presents were brought by donors. People who pity us because we don't have parents."

The Queen clapped. "And they say I'm evil," she commented to the grown-up Emma, "You destroyed that child's heart."

"Are you going to tell me now what's the point of reliving this?" Emma asked, fighting the tears because she didn't remember being such a bitch to other kids.

The Queen raised her hand and started making small circles in a clock-wise direction. Around her, the year seemed to be going in a fast forward manner, with kids going in and out of the room and Christmas decorations changing to Valentine's, to spring, to summer, to fall, to Halloween, and then to Christmas.

And there was young Emma, one year older. Once again, she was by the window.

"Emma, join us for Christmas dinner?" one of the social workers said, sitting by her.

"I don't want to celebrate stupid Christmas with you," Emma spat. "In fact, I don't want to celebrate nothing with you," she added, crossing her arms.

The social workers placed a hand over her shoulder and told her to join them if she changed her mind, before leaving Emma by herself.

The Queen studied the older Emma, who now had a tear running down her cheek, "Do you understand, now?"

"I think so..." Emma wiped the tear from the cheek, "My Christmases sucked because I shut myself out."

The Queen chuckled, "You have a talent for that. This year everyone tried to change your mind. But you ended up alone — again."

Emma pursed her lips. "You don't understand," the savior snapped, because she was like this because everyone abandoned her and she couldn't endure another heartbreak. Not when this time it would be from her real family and she knew she wouldn't be able to fix herself if her real family abandoned her, again.

"What don't I understand? That you hate people and you wish to be alone?" the Queen asked, rubbing salt into Emma's wound. "There's no one who understands that better than me," the Queen added, "But now, we go back home." The Queen left no room for discussion and placed a hand on Emma's shoulder. When they appeared back at the station, the Queen commented, "My job here is done, but you have two more ghosts left," and then disappeared in front of Emma's eyes.

As soon as the Queen was gone, another Regina appeared. This time, she looked exactly how Regina looked like the first time Emma came to town, short hair and rigid posture.

"Deputy Swan," the brunette nodded at her, "Please come with me."

Emma exhaled and dragged her feet to the woman "Where to, Madame Mayor?"

"To the place where you should be," Regina replied dryly, and suddenly, they were at the loft.


	2. - Future & Present -

The ambience in the loft didn't feel festive at all. In fact, it felt more like a funeral than a Christmas celebration. Her family was sitting at the table, eating their food in silence.

"We could bring some food to Emma," Snow commented after half of the food on the trays were empty.

"She doesn't want to be bothered, Snow," her husband reminded her, "Just let her be, in few days, she'll be alright."

"She'll be alright?" Regina huffed, "Your daughter is avoiding her whole family for a reason. Just because the holiday passed by doesn't mean she's alright."

"There are some things we decide not to relieve," David argued, "I'm sure you can relate to that."

"I would never shut my family out," Regina replied with gritted teeth. "It only makes your misery worse," she added and Snow agreed with her.

"Maybe next year, she should try harder," Snow suggested, "We could celebrate at the station."

"She'd find an excuse to be somewhere else," the other brunette dismissed Snow's suggestion and Emma was surprised on how well Regina knew her.

"Maybe she doesn't love us enough," Henry commented, in a timid voice.

Emma, who had been watching the scene unfold in silence, reached out for Henry, and shivered in disgust her hand went through his body. The blonde saw Regina console their child while she couldn't do anything but watch in the background and fight her tears.

"They can't see you, hear you, or feel you, Deputy," Ghost-Regina stated, "Don't pout, dear. This was your decision after all."

"Can we go back to the precinct?" Emma asked, feeling tiny, "I think I got the picture."

"And what's the picture?"

"That I ruined Christmas for them, too."

"Yes, well. You do have a talent for ruining things, Deputy," the brunette quipped and Emma rolled her eyes, because she forgot how annoying Regina could be when she wasn't your friend.

Regina grabbed Emma by the elbow and transported her back to the station. Emma sat on her chair as soon as her brain caught up with the fact that she was back in her office. She was emotionally drained.

"You have - "

"Yes, I know... one more ghost," Emma interrupted her, waving her hand as if it was irrelevant.

"I do hope my son doesn't pick up your manners," Regina commented, and before Emma could open her mouth to answer the brunette disappeared, the temperature around her dropped a few degrees.

A hooded figure appeared in the door frame and Emma didn't know if she shivered due to the cold or due to the spooky ghost. "Regina?" the blonde asked, but the ghost didn't answer.

Emma walked up to the ghost to study it in greater detail, but it was impossible to see a face under the dark hood. One thing she knew for sure was that this ghost was not any version of Regina. And for the first time during the night, Emma felt alone and cold.

"Where are we going?" Emma asked the silent figure, and as an answer the figure could answer, pointed towards the door.

But when Emma walked out the door, she didn't find herself at Storybrooke's Main Street. Instead, she found herself at Regina's mansion.

Emma looked around, confused; the house looked different from the last time she was there. There were more pictures, pictures of Henry and Regina with a woman she didn't know. Pictures of an older Henry and Regina, with the woman and a child she had never seen in her life.

"Brittany, Darling," Emma recognized Regina's voice coming from the kitchen, "Would you please help mommy and set the table? Our guests will be here soon."

Emma's heart stopped as she saw a blonde version of Regina running out of the kitchen and into the dinning room. Regina had a daughter. Regina was married. And where was Emma? Why hadn't she stopped this?

The bell rang and Henry jogged towards the door, passing through Emma. Judging by his beard, he was in his late teen years.

"Hey guys!" Henry greeted someone with a cheerful voice.

"Henry!" two children jumped onto Henry and the teenager wrapped his arms around each of the kids and spun them around, making them giggle.

Then, Emma saw her parents entering and wishing Henry a Merry Christmas. They both look older and tired, as if they hadn't slept in days. Snow kissed Henry on the cheek and then asked the kids, Neal and Rose, to go and greet their hosts.

"Emma is not answering her calls," David told Henry.

"I stopped trying after she didn't come to mom's wedding," Henry shrugged, and then added, "She might as well be dead." He tried to make his words sound cold, but Emma could feel Henry's heart breaking.

And it hit Emma, straight to the heart. Because of all the people, she knew Henry would be the very last one to give up on her. And she knew that for the kid to think like this, she must have fucked up badly.

"Please, let's go," Emma begged to the hooded ghost, "I've seen enough."

"No, you haven't," the ghost spoke for the first time. "You have yet to see where your self is," the ghost added and pointed to the door that would usually lead to Regina's office.

But, Emma didn't walk into Regina's office. Instead, she walked into her house. The lights of her house were off, and the only thing lighting the room was the TV. Confused, Emma walked into the room.

There, laying on the couch, she found herself. An older Emma, with a beer belly and unshaved legs. The older blonde also looked pale, too pale to her liking. And it smelled like rotten eggs in the room.

"Am I..." Emma's voice trailed off, "Am I dead?"

The ghost nodded.

"Why... Why has no one been by to check on me?"

"No one knows you're dead," the ghost answered, "You did such a good job on keeping everyone out and disappearing that no one has noticed your absence."

She was dead. Emma was dead and her corpse was rotting in her living room because her parents thought she was ignoring them due to the holidays. Because her son hated her. Because the love of her life has married someone else.

"No, please," Emma fell on her knees next to her corpse and started crying. She had fought so hard to find her family and now that she had them, she had fought to keep them away. The blonde turned around and grabbed the ghost's hood, "Please don't let it end like this,"

The ghost looked at her but didn't say anything.

"Please give me another chance. Don't let this be my future."

The ghost remained in silence, its hand reaching out to Emma's shoulder. But, instead of comforting her, the ghost pushed Emma backwards. And, Emma felt herself falling, and falling, and falling.

She didn't stop falling until she hit the floor.

Instinctively, Emma pushed herself up. Looking around, she realized she was at the station and it was already sunny outside. She reached for her phone and turned the screen on. It read 8:15, Sunday, December 25. Her frantic heart rate calmed down as she was back in her real time. It had been a dream. Just a dream. An eye opening dream. In a matter of speaking, she got her second chance.

She laughed. December 25th. It was Christmas Day.

Grabbing her coat, she ran out the station, and drove as fast as she could to Mifflin Street. She didn't stop knocking on the door until a disheveled Regina opened it. Her hair was ruffled from sleep and her face was make-up free but Emma had never thought that she wasn't at her prettiest at this moment.

"Emma?" Regina asked, and suddenly panicked, "What's wrong? Who are we up against?"

"Time," Emma answered and took a step towards Regina. "We are up against time. And I don't want to waste another second away from you or Henry," she added before cupping Regina's cheeks and pressing their lips together.

The kiss was short because Emma wanted to test the waters with Regina. She studied the brunette, who still had her eyes semi-open from the kiss and had blushed cheeks.

"What's gotten into you, Emma?"

"The Christmas Spirit," the blonde answered and leaned in to kiss Regina once more.

Regina smiled into the kiss and started reciprocating it. She just snaked her hands around Emma's lower back just when they heard their son yelling from the top of the stairs, "Emma! You're here!"

Emma detached her lips from Regina's. Not sad because she knew there would be plenty of time for that later. She slipped one hand into Regina's and walked into the mansion.

"Yeah, kid," Emma nodded, "I'm home."


End file.
